the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
