There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
