apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
