I'm lost and stupid without you.
North Korea, Best Korea!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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