So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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