there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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