I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
