I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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