they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize