I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
