Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
