Need sex. Gaining weight.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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