Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
