There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
