you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize