Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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