Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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