well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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