he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
