WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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