we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
