This is not my ceiling
Just took my morning after pill in the library
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
