Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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