Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize