mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
