Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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