Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
