I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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