Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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