we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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