I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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