Sry I called you an 8
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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