I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize