One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
