worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
