Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
