if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
