girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
