He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
