I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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