Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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