You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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