It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
