So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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