i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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