We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
