I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
