dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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