I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So many bounce houses so little time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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