dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
