She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
