I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
