I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
