u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
