WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
