If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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