I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
