Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
