Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
