Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
