Your dad touched me again.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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