Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
