eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
