I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
