I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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