Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize