No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
